How Regina Got Her Groove Back
by MusingsThoughts
Summary: Seeking to discover who she is, Regina accompanies Ruby on an all American road trip. From wannabe gangstas in New York and crashing a Hollywood movie premiere to working in a cafe in New Orleans, what shenanigans will they get into and interesting people will they meet? High speed chases and Wanted posters all over the country may well be the least of their problems. MultiXover.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do NOT own any characters from Once Upon A Time or OUAT itself. If we did, then the show would not have turned into a soap opera and Zelena would be dead. :) Some of the Ocs are based on actual characters from TV-shows and movies.

" _I think you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there"_ _~ by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie_

Prologue

3rd P.O.V.

It's been 84 years... well, not really, but it surely feels that way. In reality, it's been 6 months, 2 weeks and 18 hours since the curse broke, so it's been uuuuuuuuuuuh, 8 months, 3 weeks, 12 hours, 54 minutes, in counting, since Miss Swan came and ruined everything. Her own son had brought the infuriating woman to her town, convinced that she was the Evil Queen, and that this woman was the savior.

She had tried, oh, she had tried, to get rid of the damn woman, but of course, she stuck around like an STD that nothing short of death would get rid of. She had tried to kill it- I mean her, but God forbid she's happy. Instead, she ended up nearly killing her own son, only for Miss Swan to come save him and break her curse.

So, what had happened (yes that was on purpose) was, she was forced into hiding. The peasants wanted revenge, so they formed a mob (as if they were in the 18th century witch hunts, pitchforks and all.) showed up on her doorstep and dragged her out of her home (the savages). Dr. Whale, then proceeded to try and strangle her, (Again,the savages!) and just when she was about to go all Evil Queen on their ungrateful asses, Miss Swan comes to her "rescue"! The two idiots gave their hope speech and decided to have _mercy_ on her and lock her away for her _own good_ , they said, it'll do her some _good_ , they said, to think about all that she's _done_ , they said, those idiots.

So, here she is, locked in her own cell, looking down at the magic restraining bracelet that the damn blue Doxy enchanted. She can feel her magic flowing under the binds of the bracelet. _"This is for Henry...",_ she thinks, _"He doesn't want you to be the Evil Queen anymore. So...who are you, if not her?"_ She isn't the young, naive girl she once was with Daniel. She isn't the formal mayor anymore, nor is she the strict, but loving mother to Henry anymore. So, who is she?

The sound of heels clicking on the cold hard floor drew her from her thoughts. Looking up to see who had entered, she's surprised to meet a pair of amber eyes staring right back at her.

"Ruby?", says Regina, surprised.

"It's Red, actually.", corrects Red.

Regina raises an eyebrow."What are you doing here? Come to gloat?"

"I actually came to say 'thank you'."

Regina's eyes widen in shock. "'Thank you?'", asks Regina, completely bewildered. "That's the last thing I'd expect from anyone, right now, much less Snow White's pound puppy."

"I know; I'm full of surprises.", responds the former trashy waitress. She winks and holds up the Sheriff's keys to cells, "Look, I don't have anything against you", she shrugs. "Your curse was more of a blessing to me than anything. It gave me a new start to be more than just a wolf."

Regina rolls her eyes."Well, glad to be of service. It's nice to know that my revenge was such a wonderful thing to you, people, you little folk!", she snarks, turning her back to face the wall, "If that's all, you may leave."

Red rolls her eyes at the childish display before her.

"Look, Regina, I know that this is hard, but I've been thinking how about you and I take a little trip. We could really learn a lot from each other.", Red approaches the cell, forcing Regina to acknowledge her,

"We could just get in my car and just drive. Away from all the magic, from all the self-righteousness, the two idiots and just see what the world has to offer. We could just drive away and only make essential stops."

Regina looks up at her, with challenging eyes and asks, "Are you serious, Miss Lucas? This coming from the girl who makes a midnight run to the video store and comes back with _Booty Call_ and _The Lion King_?"

"As serious as a heart attack."

Regina chuckles and snorts, "You're funny."

Red smiles, "Comedy is my fort. Another reason why you should come with me."

Regina sighs, before saying "I have to stay...for Henry."

Red scoffs, "Henry doesn't need you. He has Emma, Snow and Charming, his real family-"

"I am his _Mother._ "

"He doesn't even know who his _Mother_ is! All he sees is the Queen.", Red reaches out through the cell's bars and carefully puts her hand on the former mayor's shoulder. "You don't even know who you are. So, come with me and find out.", Red jumps back, dramatically points her index finger at Regina and shouts "WHO IS REGINA MILLS?", then whispers, "You are!"

Regina whisper-shouts, "Go home! Visiting hours are over!"

Red throws they keys at Regina, "You know where to find me.", and with that, she turns on her stilettos and strutted out like a boss ass bitch (Excuse my French! No pun intended on the word "bitch".*)

AN: *The pun is...Bitch=female dog and Red=female wolf so, yeah. This is for those like ExtraCheeseCake who take a bit to get a pun. After the curse breaks, people can cross the town line only if accompanied by a magic user. Snow and Emma didn't go to FTL. Belle found out about Gold almost killing Regina and forbid him from trying again. There's no Owen or Greg.

 _Booty Call : 1997 film_

 _The Lion King : no explanation needed_

 _Read and Review!_


	2. Chapter 2

AN:This story is co-written with ExtraCheesecake. Thank you to all who have read it so far and we hope you enjoy this first chapter.

* * *

Chapter 1

As Regina walked through the familiar streets, wearing a worn-out black hoodie that she had found laying around in Henry's room, she glanced around to make sure she avoided any contact with any of Storybrooke's infamous characters. The last thing she needs right now is to run into Rumple.

The cold fall wind blew, causing her to pull the oversized hoodie closer. Tugging at the hems of the hoodie, she can't help but think, _"He's grown so much, that even the only hoodie I let him wear could fit me."_ , she smiles to herself, almost regretting not going to see him. "It's for the best...", she thinks, knowing that if she saw him and if he showed her even the smallest amount of affection, she wouldn't be able to leave.

She made it to Granny's diner without letting anyone notice her just like a ninja... She went to the back of the little building, humming the _Mission Impossible_ theme song and found Red, suitcase in hand, leaning against her red 1975 Camaro, ready to greet her as if she was expecting her. Red looks up expectantly at Regina.

"Well, get in."

Regina obeys.

Suddenly, the backdoor gets kicked open by Granny, shotgun in hand, ready to shoot a bitch.

"What are you doing, Red?! Get back here!"

Red quickly hops in the front seat and starts the car and drives away.

"I'll be home in time for the next blood moon!", shouts Red, waving to Granny, who is shaking her head in exasperation.

The former waitress turns to her some what irritated companion, "So, I'm glad you decided to join me!"

"Just shut up and drive, dog, and try not to stick your head out the window.", comes the other woman's response layered with disdain.

Said dog was about to respond, when they suddenly hear sirens. Looking in the rear-view mirror, Red curses through clenched teeth. The Sheriff squad cars were slowly gaining on them. She turns to Regina and says, "You may wanna hold on tight.", and floors it. Skid marks trail behind their car, partially hidden by exhaust gas. Regina yelps, grabbing on to the dash board, for fear of flying through the windshield.

Emma screams into a megaphone, "Stop the car! Ruby Lucas, you are helping a wanted criminal, which is against the law and if you do not listen, you will be arrested as well, because we will arrest the both of you! So, stop the car. Stop now!"

"It's nice to know that my son's vocabulary has surely grown, Miss Swan!", yells back Regina.

* * *

Archie's P.O.V.

Like always, it was a beautiful day out, so Archie decided to walk his dog, Pongo, after eating his omelet with a side of bacon, and drinking his coffee.

So, as he happily and calmly walked, he greeted pedestrians along the way. Then, suddenly, **WHOOSH!...** his glasses flew off his face, **WHOOSH!** , Pongo started barking. A blur of red, white and blue flew passed him. He could hear the wheels screeching and the sirens bearing through the empty street. The smoke from the tires was seen from a distance.

Archie, still shell-shocked, couldn't help but jerk at the tug of his dog. Pongo raced after the cars, dragging Archie by the leash.

"Pongo! Please, stop, buddy!", screamed Archie, as the dog jumped over Maurice's flower cart, red roses and daffodils slapping Archie in the face. This situation only deteriorated from there.

 **BOOM! CRASH! SHATTER!**

"Oh, hello, dearie."

 **BANG! HORN! THUD!**

"Hey, watch where you're going!"

 **SPLASH! SCREAM! BAPOW!**

"My cabbages!"

Finally, Archie just let go of the damn leash and apologized quickly before making his own way after the dalmatian.

* * *

3rd P.O.V.

"Breaking news! This just in, a high speed car chase around Storybrooke. The Sheriff department is chasing after a red 1975 Camaro. The driver has been identified as Ruby Lucas and witnesses say that they saw the former mayor, Regina Mills, who had recently escaped her cell in the passengers seat. Steamstress Eudora accounts her experience with this morning's grievances."

"Well, I woke up to get me some coffee for me and husband James.", states Eudora, "I thought somebody was dying. I smelled smoke and I was like 'Oh sweet Lord, It's a fire'!"she exclaims. "We ran up out there, I didn't grab my shoes or nothing, Jesus. I ran for my life to see what was happening. Then, the car smoke got me. I got bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for dat!" Eudora laughs, shaking her head.

"Anatasia, according to Granny Lucas, the chase started from outside her diner", starts Drizella. "Residence say that they were informed of the Queen's escape early this morning and were terrified that she had her magic."

The evil step-sister turn reporter continues, "Now, police suspect foul play and that she was aided by suspect, Ruby Lucas, a good friend of our dear Snow White." Drizella looks positively distraught at the betrayal. "Citizens are advised to stay-

The reporter would have continued, had she not been nearly ran over by a glaring red car. The car zoomed right past her,barely grazing her. Her sigh of relief was replaced by a scream, as she saw the sheriff squad cars heading straight for her. Drizella quickly throws herself down on the sidewalk and stays there until the sirens could no longer be heard. The woman dusts herself off, while rising from the sidewalk. Grabbing the mic and fixing her hair with trembling hands, she continues where she left off, "Citizens are advised-

is all she gets out before Pongo barrels into her feet, toppling her over.

"I QUIT!"

Swerving down the streets like a mad woman, half on the road, half on the sidewalk, Ruby hits yet another trash can.

"Damn it Miss Lucas", curses Regina, hitting her head on the dashboard once more. "Where did you learn how to drive?"

Red smirks " Seeing as you cursed us, I'm not the one that gave a "dog" a drivers license, now am I?" She raises an eyebrow at Regina. Regina simply glares back at her. "Relax. We're almost there." says Red. "Soon, we'll be out of here and it'll smooth sail"

"Not if they catch us first." Regina points out to the squad cars slowly gaining on them. Red points to the back seat, "Throw some stuff over board."

The Queen, then proceeds to throw all sorts of things out the window. From a roll of toilet paper to a damn microwave, they took out at least two cruisers.

"Ruby Lucas, this is your last warning! Pull over!" screeches Emma, narrowly avoiding the incoming watermelon.

Red speeds up before turning and flipping them off, "You'll never take us alive, coppers!"

"If you don't watch the road, they may just take us dead!" Regina yells at her, grabbing the steering wheel, narrowly avoiding a mail box. The cops start shooting at them and Red completely floors it, loosing most of them. Suddenly, they hear a loud sound from above. "Stop the vehicle and step out with your hands up!" someone says into a megaphone. "A helicopter?!" Regina shouts in disbelief , "They wasted government funds on a helicopter in Storybrooke?!"

"Yeah, Henry suggested it." Regina just shakes her head. "What are we going to do now? They probably have road blocks at the town line already."

Red smirks," Let's take a little detour." before swerving into the forest. The car bounces non-stop as they hit bump after bump. "Are you insane?!" Regina yells, jerking forward at each bump.

"Calm down, woman! It's not as if we're hitting anythi-"

"- Squirrel!"

 **SPLAT!**

"Oh, come on! It's not even that big of a de-"

"DEER!"

"Damn it, Bambi!" Red swerves to the left and pulls onto the road. They can see the town line and boy, was it not pretty. Six squad cars blocking the way and Micheal's tow truck.

"This is it. I was right. There's no way we're getting pass them." Regina looks up. She should have known this wasn't going to work. Red instead speeds up and turns to Regina and says, "Never under estimate the power of a sexy waitress in heels and desperate single father." Micheal's tow truck starts to lower its ramp.

"No way."

"Oh, yes."

"Miss Lucas, you better not do what I think you're about to do" Regina says, looking over at her in slight fear.

Ruby just smirks, "Hold on tight", and with that, they hit the ramp and went flying. Ironically enough, the radio starts playing _I believe I can fly._ Regina screams bloody murder and Red shouts a hearty, " Yehaw!". They pass over the line, feeling a shock wave run through them. The car hits the road hard and for the third time that day, Regina's head hits the dash board.

"Woohoo! Did you see that, 'Gina?!" shouts Red excitedly. "They were all like ' _can't touch this'_ and we were like all damn right we can!" Regina looks at her with angry eyes. "Get out" Confused, Ruby looks right back at her "Huh? Wha-Why?" Regina sniffs, "I'm driving. Get out. If I hit my head one more time- Your bastard hound-like driving is going to get us killed." The werewolf, offended argues "No way! This is my car!"

"I wasn't asking."

"Good, because I'm not offering."

Regina rolls her eyes and reaches for the steering wheel, "I'm driving. I wanna go to Boston." Red grabs the wheel and tugs it, " No, I am and we're going to New York." Now, getting annoyed, Regina steps on the wolf's foot and jerks the car forward. Red shoves her and she steps on her foot again. Pissed off, she slaps the queen on the arm and this time Regina dug her heels into Ruby's foot. The car speeds forward, before stopping and backing up. Curses are thrown, as it jerks forward and stops, all while the two women argue.

"Boston". The car jerks forward.

"New York". It stops.

Oh, this was going to be quite the trip indeed.


End file.
